Guides, whom I knew

Like I'm a novelist. I have written a terrorist thriller called "The Nine Lives of too much" and restless, modern paranormal story called "The Demon in our dreams." In a short time I have a new novel, which deals with rice queens. Most of my fictional efforts shifted to my site – Every now and then I like to go back to my beginning as a traveler. I especially enjoy writing journey with humor with peramyazhovkay. My novel "The Demon in our dreams" – is, in fact, a stranger novel, which collected a lot of guides.

Heard any good guides lately?

On the tour of Alaska, our guide said, "We have a proverb in Alaska Every woman has nine men Chances are good, but the goods – strange…"

But guides men affected in this battle of the sexes. One man said he had a T-shirt with the inscription: "Girls, remember, when you get to the lower forty-eight, you'll be ugly again."

The next day, another leader Alyaskanskaga men: "Here in Alaska men – men and women, too."

Every time I get to a new city on a journey or at the new port on a cruise ship, I spend an orientation tour with a guide. They are called cultural orientations when they stop at the museum, rather than on the market of crafts, where relatives of the guide work.

Guides can tell jokes, promote, let goats, recite poetry and tell believers. They have a captive audience for a few hours, a day, and in some cases for a week or more. Somehow guides in Alaska & # 39 are the best. Here are a few illustrations of the breed from all over:

On Moorea, Tahiti's sister island, our guide Ben said:

"This church, where members worship a particular faith. They come to the door to me two or three times a week with pamphlets. Please give me your address so I can give them them, and they can visit your home instead of my" " .

Alaskan guides full of stories about the bald eagle and the bear. One guide told us about the black bear that wandered into the airport and the arrival zone. He sat on the baggage carousel and started to go through it. They thought they got rid of it by turning off the carousel. He growled and acted threateningly, so they had to let him continue to ride until the hunters did not take him into a trap and was taken away.

The guide told the story:

"Two bears, a man and a woman is attacked and eaten two men who went camping in the woods One man -. Pole, and one -. Czech Two bears hunters shot were conducted autopsy Pole was found in women, so that they know.. that the Czech in the men. "

On the ship, the princesses in Alaska when we had a martini in the nearest room, the captain would come in PA "This is Captain Glyug from the bridge From the port from the highest tree there are two bald eagles he will announce Fifteen minutes later:.." On average, a tree, again on the port side, you will see two more bald eagles. "

Our waitress said: "I think the captain has a picture of two eagles pasted on the glasses If he looks out the corner of his eyes, he sees them on the trees.".

Kamedyk the ship would imitate the captain, "to starboard get three killer whale, seven jumps jumping, and three sea otters with calves, floating on an iceberg on the port side, two grizzly bear wash salmon on the shore of the water, and there are two bald eagles. that Princess line to pay to follow the ship in Seward. "

Guides can give different versions of the same. On Bora Bora in French Polynesia a huge abandoned Hyatt hotel with a single foundation stands on the beach. The local guide said that the reason for the refusal of the hotel was because of the greed of builders and management costs, vaccination and corruption.

Anthropologist Bill Kolans about Raiatea gave a different version. Polynesians never give up their land. Relatives often hide the yard, which helps to ensure that the land will remain in the family & # 39; and. After the "Hyatt" builders assembled the land for their hotel, hundreds of Bora Bora made claims to the land. Buy them all would be terribly expensive, so the project was abandoned.

The tours of French Polynesia resentment against Chinese kramshchykav address. "There's such and such a supermarket. It is owned by the Chinese, and the products there expensive." The Chinese, who originally brought to Tahiti to work in the sugar fields remaining after the work on the fields stopped. They gradually become a merchant class and now have a number of banks and enterprises.

One Tahitian guide said: "The French bake our bread, the Chinese deliver it and sell, and taitsyane pay for it."

In Bora Bora one tour guide annoyed when a tourist asked him not eat them dogs. Paul Theroux in his book on Oceania found that some islanders in some archipelago eat dog. He thought that the island dogs often seem so hardened, so we knew what to expect. Our guide said: "Of course, we would not eat dogs They are our pets, family members & # 39; and what you think we are savages..?"

Then his whole mood has changed dramatically, and he playfully said: "Now the Americans, that's another story They're really delicious, especially the fingers We call this food fingers…"

Captain Cook detail hundreds of years ago began to cannibalism in the South Seas.

Alaska tour guides specializing in poetry recitation at the end of the tour. Their favorite with & # 39 is Robert Service Kipling Yukon, and on many bus tours before you give feedback, you will hear the "Shooting of Dan McGrew", "The Cremation of Sam McGee" or "Spell of the Yukon." "They read from the memory, and somehow seem more direct line, if you are traveling overseas for border cities like Skagway.

We took the train steam engine in old railway carriages, which are moved in the footsteps of the gold rush from Skagway through the mountains to the place of take-off in Dawson. In 1898, the terrible conditions endured thousands of gold seekers, and thousands of animals died schooling. After a loud speaker to train a female tour guide read from the account of Jack London, who brazenly told how these animals fell or were thrown through the steep mountain trails.

In Skagvagu our guide took us to the old cemetery where is buried Soapy Smith and Frank Reid. Soapy Smith was the leader of a gang that terrorized the city during the Gold Rush. Reid shot soap, and on his grave – the inscription, which is written, that he gave his life for the honor of Skagway. Nearby is the tomb of a woman of pleasure. On her tombstone is written: "She gave her life for the honor of Skagway."

In Hamburg, Germany, the guide trumpeted patriotic environment at work. In the first quarter of the infamous red light district on Reperbane he noted that some of the women he said were prostitutes. "It's good for them. They save precious energy. They go to work."

I have met a lot of good guides for years, and I laughed at him and learned from most of them.